


Coda for 11x18 Hell's Angel

by PawneePorpoise



Series: Supernatural Codas & Drabbles [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: 11x18 coda, Angst, DeanCas - Freeform, Destiel - Freeform, Gen, Hurt Dean, Lucifer/Castiel Referenced, Sad Dean, Sad Dean Winchester, Spoilers for 11x18
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-09
Updated: 2016-04-09
Packaged: 2018-06-01 05:19:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6502219
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PawneePorpoise/pseuds/PawneePorpoise
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Coda for Episode 11x18 Hell's Angel.</p>
<p>Dean processes the day's events back at the bunker after Sam has gone to bed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Coda for 11x18 Hell's Angel

It was the empty clink of glass on polished wood that snapped Dean out of his trance at the table. It’d been hours since Sam went to bed, leaving Dean alone with a sympathetic pat on the shoulder, and the memories of Cas-but-not-Cas’ face lit up by the flames of Holy Fire. 

Beer after beer, nothing was helping to dull the ache in his chest as he relived that moment from earlier in the evening over and over again. He hadn’t gone into the situation with the intent of letting his emotions drive him, but when he saw Cas- no, Cas’ vessel- standing before him something shifted inside of him and he was helpless to restrain himself, onlookers be damned. 

It was just, he’d made it through all these weeks without Cas by hanging onto the tiniest thread of faith that Cas didn’t actually want to be in this situation. That if given the opportunity he was just waiting for Dean to create an opening so he could take back his place inside that idiotic head of his and send Lucifer packing with a one way ticket to the cage. And Dean really wanted to believe that was the case, but every replay of the scene that unfolded makes that harder to do. 

For a moment, when he had sprung forward, Castiel’s full name tumbling from his lips, he thought it was going to work. He’d have his Cas back and if he was being honest with himself he was only a second away from hurdling that Holy Fire to get to him and shake him out of it. But that flash of confusion, pain, and probably the worst, resignation, on Cas’ face broke his heart before he had a chance to understand what was really happening. Then it was over and that sickening abomination hijacking his best friend was back staring him down. 

There were things Dean had, reluctantly at first, realized he enjoyed most about having Cas around. The way his eyes crinkle around the edges when he put two and two together after Dean or Sam made a particularly clever joke. Or the way his teeth shine in that toothy grin when he’s greeting Dean first thing in the morning after a much needed night’s sleep. The way his eyebrows knit together in fierce concentration when attempting to understand some basic human activity, like cooking. Honestly the biggest tell for Dean was when he started referring to Cas as _his_ in his mind. In reality Cas belonged to no human, especially not Dean, but somewhere down this twisted road they all followed he began to need Cas in a way he hadn’t needed any other human in his 37 years. 

This train of thought was dragging Dean down a dark road that had no end in sight and the fuzziness of his brain on alcohol did nothing to help stop is descent. Shoving his chair back, planting both hands firmly on the table, he pushed himself up intent on heading to his bed before he ruins his back passing out in a wooden chair for the night. Trudging down the hallway, falling heavily into his bed, Dean stares off into the darkness of the room unable to force his eyes shut. He knows what he’ll see when he does. The sounds replaying on loop in crystal clarity. He knows there were a lot of other people in that room, but his singular focus on Cas has kept him from processing the rest thus far. Crowley, Rowena, Sam, Hell, even Amara can wait. First he’s going to save Cas, then they can tackle whatever other evils head their way. 

With a feeble grip on his emotions, Dean finally dares to close his eyes. Sam was wrong. Cas wanted to be saved. He knew it, just _knew_ it had to be true. Even though he’d never spoken it aloud, Cas was always so attuned to his needs, and right now, as always, he needed Cas so there was no choice but to come back. 

Finally the warmth from the beer mixed with the physical exhaustion of the day and Dean felt the tendrils of sleep floating smoothly over his body. Before they could carry him away to a less than fulfilling sleep, Dean stopped fighting the watering in his eyes and he drifted off with silent tears wetting his pillow.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Come say hi on [tumblr](http://personal-space-pls-cas.tumblr.com/)!


End file.
